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Do you have what it takes to be a good submissive?

What makes a good submissive?  The willingness to surrender total control to another person?  An eagerness to do whatever it takes to please the dominant?

No matter how many times the question is asked, it’s rare that the same answer is given twice.

As explored in How to be a Good Sub, in a very broad sense, being submissive means to submit or surrender to another person, however;  being submissive can mean very different things to different people.

D/s Negotiations

As discussed in What it Takes to be a Good Mistress, it is crucial for a dominant and a submissive to establish open and honest communication that fosters a relationship based on trust and respect in order for true power exchange to occur.  During D/s negotiations, both parties discuss limits and boundaries, as well as, expectations and apprehensions.   These limits and boundaries will likely change as the relationship grows and the level of D/s play deepens.

Sometimes originally set limits and boundaries prove to be too much for the submissive.  A good Mistress will sense when this occurs, but ultimately, it is up to the submissive to discuss this with the dominant during the aftercare period, as well as prior to the start of any new D/s fantasy scenario.

Giving without Expectation

The most important quality -and sometimes the hardest to learn- of a good submissive is the ability to give without expectation. To please his Mistress simply for the sake of pleasing, having no preconceived notions of how that pleasure will be received. It is especially common in D/s fantasy scenarios for a submissive to express a desire to serve without expectation, but when it comes right down to it, he gets upset because his efforts did not garner the expected results.

In this case, the so-called-submissive is not truly surrendering himself and giving simply for the sake of giving.  In this case, instead of a true power exchange, a power struggle plays out in which the submissive tries to top from the bottom.

My What Big Teeth You Have

Topping from the bottom is when, under the guise of being submissive, a dominant person tries to control the situation by behaving in a way that he believes will cause the established dominant to have the reaction he is looking for.  A good Mistress will know that this is what the so-called-submissive is doing and demand further D/s negotiations.

He truly may want to be submissive but has not yet allowed himself to fully surrender control, in which case, he is obligated to discuss these feelings with the Mistress in an open, honest, and non-judgmental manner.  He needs to learn that his pleasure is the result of Her pleasure.

There you have it, pets~ In a nutshell, what I believe it takes to be a good submissive.

What do you think it takes?

Until next time,

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