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As promised yesterday, today’s blog topic is “What Makes a Good Mistress?” Dominance and Submission play requires one who is willing to submit and one who is ready to exercise control. While it is true that not all dominants (dommes/doms) are women and not all submissives are men, for the purpose of this article, it shall be so.
According to the book Fetish, there are five basics that make a good Mistress(in no particular order):
- The ability to empathize with the fantasies and desires of another while maintaining their own personality and limits
- A good imagination and ability to think quickly
- Good manners and etiquette
- The ability to laugh at oneself
- The ability to listen
Power exchange brings a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. There is a fine line between maintaining control and keeping the sub happy. This is the reason I ask you at the beginning of each call, what it is you enjoy about being a submissive. When you are open and honest, telling me things you enjoy doing during dominance and submission play, we both will have a much more fulfilling experience.
If, when I ask you that question, you merely say “Whatever you want me to do Mistress, I will do it”, then you are at the mercy of “MY” fantasies, which may or may not be the same as your own. So, my dear subbies, unless you are *truly* prepared and happy to do *anything* I tell you to do, don’t give me that line!
Nothing will put you on my bad side quicker, than to have you tell me you will do anything I tell you to do, only to have you say things like “No, I don’t do that”, “No, that’s not for me”, “No, I’m not into that”, once we are in the scene. It’s not rocket science here, subbies… I ask you that question before going into the scene FOR A REASON!!
Please keep that in mind, the next time I ask you what you enjoy. Be open and honest about your likes and dislikes prior to the scene so we can keep the momentum going for a thrilling and enjoyable experience.
Tune in tomorrow for a fun and exciting blog topic- Practically Picayune Penis Trivia!
Until next time,
Adult Phone Sex, Phone Sex Mistress, DominatrixBramwell, D. (2007). Fetish. New York: Quid Publishing
Hehe, Ms. Layla. Relentless. That’s one of those things that can be viewed as both good and bad depending on the situation! 😉
Yes, Ms. Hunter. And it would be better if it were female-led as well!
Castaway you nailed it! We always go above and beyond expectations. Even when we’re trying to find out what those expectations are, we are relentless!
So true, peter! If we’d all, as a society, just grow a pair and be bold enough to communicate our feelings honestly, the world would be a better place!
Oh I totally agree, Ms. Hunter.
Communication is the key to all relationships, including D/s ones!
That’s a very good point, peterteasetoy. I do believe that is sometimes the case, which is all the more important to keep the lines of communication going.
I think the problem is that a lot of “subs” don’t actually know what they want, Ms. Hunter.
They have a vague idea that they want to give up control and they go along with the Mistress, like a doormat, so they can stay and “play” in that sub-space and be controlled.
But when they actually have to go through with something and they actively have to submit they realise what they are doing and they snap out of that sub-space and recoil away from the task at hand.
Exactly, Ms. Layla! It’s understandable to have an unexpected reaction, but it is important to express those feelings rather than try to pretend it didn’t happen.
Thanks castaway. Communication is crucial at all junctures of the relationship and the more open and honest that communication is, the better for all involved.
Yep, Ms. Hunter—underpromise and overdeliver, as important in the “Mistress service” field as it is in the customer service one…
Practically Picayune Penis Trivia—love the alliteration, Ms. Hunter. You said that “power exchange brings a responsibility that should not be taken lightly.” I would agree that definitely goes for the submissive as well. As you allude to, while it’s imperative to establish limits upfront, the sub is agreeing to give up control by entering into the dynamic, so it shouldn’t just be like he is “ordering a la carte” as far as the experiences to come is concerned. A qualified and engaged Mistress will, through good communication at the outset, have a good idea of when new boundaries can be broached and will look to implement them, observant for feedback and ready to “course correct” if need be, but often her instincts will be right.
Too true Ms. Hunter! I understand that people “think” they can do something and when faced with the actual act change their mind. In fact I encourage you to be honest about what’s happening with you emotionally. But, when that “margin for error” isn’t expressed well then we’re operating in the dark. I’m sure you and I both would understand about an inability to follow through, what we find hard to deal with is the unexpected curve ball!
Of course we’ll take that curve ball and make it awesome too!
Oh, I completely agree with you, Ms. Layla! Just yesterday, I had a scenario where we discussed limits and boundaries, including the possibility of eating cum. The submissive did not balk at the possibility of eating cum, instead saying “Yes, I would do it if I had to.” Then when it came time to put his money where his mouth is, so to speak, he said “I won’t do that. That’s a hard limit for me.”
Hmmm, information that would have been nice to know in the beginning! What ultimately ends up happening in these cases of dishonesty, is that neither party enjoys the scene. If a submissive isn’t sure whether he can do something but is willing to at least try, he should just say so- then when the time comes, it won’t be a total surprise if he balks or doesn’t follow through and the Mistress will already have a “backup plan” in place that can be seamlessly executed.
Wow Ms. Hunter, what you wrote then is still true and relevant today! A true power exchange between a Domme and her sub only works when the sub can be open and honest about limits. Once you know this as the Domme you can then push those limits. After all, isn’t that what this is about? Nothing stops the flow of play quicker than a disconnect of dishonesty.